Loving Clary
by Mina Lisly
Summary: This is the story of two men loving one woman. One man has loved her for years, the other for months. One man has a bright future to offer her, the other a bruised and painful past. One man cannot imagine his life without her, the other cannot either. This is the story of how love can hurt more than it should. {OOC/AH/AU} Romance/Angst/Language — Beta: Shauna Kullden
1. Loving & Losing Clary

**My dear little broccolis 💚💚💚**

 **~ So this used to be the story "I Love You". I just think that this title is more fitting. I hope that this little something will be something that you will enjoy, and that you will not hesitate to share your reactions to this little something ii came up with.**

 **~ And you know support is always great and is easier to be seen through reviews, follows and favourite. So do show me your support and love 😝**

 **~ Anyway, you know that I love you and sooooo special thanks to the amazing person who betas a lot of my stories and who is an awesome human being, Shauna Kullden. 💚💚💚**

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 **Chapter 1 : Loving & Losing Clary (3,6K)**

 **.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.**

 **Jace's PoV.**

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I slowly bring the glass of scotch to my mouth, and take a long sip as I angrily stare at the door. She was supposed to be home three fucking hours ago! Lately, it's always like that. She always comes home in the middle of the night and leaves at dawn. If I call her to know just _where_ she is, she doesn't pick up her phone. Past 9 pm, she never picks up her phone. I could try calling her a thousand times or I could be shot in the chest, it would still be the same: she wouldn't pick up.

The clock infernally ticks the minutes that Clary isn't home, and I can't help but remember the time when she used to be home bright and early. She used to even come and see me at my workplace during her lunch break. This was so fucking long ago, when I was her everything and when just by winking at her, I could make her swoon. It was when we would walk in Central Park, hand in hand, goofy smiles full of love plastered on our faces. It was when I used to buy her blue roses out of nowhere because I knew they were her favorites. It was when she would pout if I didn't take her in my arms when we fell asleep in our bed.

Now… Now, _nothing_. She's just fucking late, and I'm just fucking waiting, hoping that she didn't get hit by a car, or something. Actually, I'd rather hear the phone calling with the hospital telling me that there's been an accident than to have to face the something. Because the something has a face that I really can't stand.

Finally, she opens the front door of our apartment. I don't even try to move and go greet her because I'm in her way anyway. If she wants to sleep in our bed, she has to pass through the living room. She has to see me, sitting on a chair, drinking the last drops of a bottle of scotch that I opened not even an hour ago. And she does. Her green eyes linger on me for less than a second, but I can still see the surprise of seeing me awake at 2am. Usually, I don't wait up for her, I just go to bed, and pretend I'm sleeping when she slides next to me.

Our eyes meet for even less than a micro-second, and so she looks away. And you know what pisses me off, she doesn't even have the decency to look guilty. I mean, she should, but she doesn't, it's like I don't even faze her anymore.

I guess it's my own fault. After all, I started all of this. I'm the one who did her wrong. I'm the one who was scared of us and who tried to destroy us, and she's the one who forgave me. She's the one who welcomed me back with open arms and said that she loved me and that it meant nothing to her. So I played nice. For a while I stayed faithful because I remembered how frightened I was to lose her. Especially because of one stupid and faceless one night stand.

But then, I started thinking that she loved me too much, that she wouldn't leave me, no matter what I did to her. I wanted … a _thrill_ , and so I deserted her again. And she didn't say anything. For a while. Until she came up with the solution of an _open-relationship_. She said that we loved each other, but that urges couldn't be controlled. And I agreed to it. Instead of begging her pardon, I took this as a blessing, when it was actually the beginning of the end.

This is all my fault. I am the reason why she comes home late, why she doesn't look guilty anymore, I pushed one too many times, and now, I am going to lose her. And this is something that I will not bear. I _can't_ lose her.

"Where were you?" I ask imperially. I know I have no rights to question her like that, but I still do because of this awful lump forming in the back my throat. She doesn't even look at me, taking off her heels as she says:

"With Sebastian."

She doesn't even try to lie anymore. At least before she used to pretend that she was with colleagues, then it was friends. But now it's a fucking name. And what name! _Sebastian fucking Verlac_! I bring my glass to my lips to repress what I want to hurl, and I drink.

 _Sebastian fucking Velrac!_ I just can't believe it. It's like she chose him on purpose, just to hurt me. I mean, it's fucking Verlac! This guy is on my hated list, at the very top. He's everything I'm not, and he's the fucking guy trying to steal my girl away. Ever since I first saw his fucking face, I hated him.

He was the nice and popular kid back in school, I was the total douchebag who was always expelled or in detention. He was the major of our promo, I was the one who barely came to graduation. He was the one who went to law school, I was the one who ended up working in a garage. But at least, I had Clary. The one person who came to the garage one day, completely greasy and panicked as she said that her bike just died.

And just that made me look at her twice. Biker women have always been a turn on for me. And her green eyes hidden behind all the grease on her face caught my attention more than I intended. She pushed her bike in the garage and enumerated all the things she needed to make 'Jessy' live again, and that little nickname made me smile. I mean, girls usually don't give names to their vehicles. I fixed her bike in a jiffy, but I pretended that it took me forever, and after a lot of flirting, she finally agreed to go out with me.

This was when my life started to change. She was the one who convinced me to open my own shop, she was the one who helped me become someone better. She's the one who struggled with my finances all the while juggling with her part time job and her internship in a law firm. She's the one who helped me make peace with my family to whom I had turned my back on so long ago. She's the one for whom I woke up every morning, a bright smile on my face.

And then came the infidelities, because I was so scared of being so happy all of the sudden. But she still stayed. Until the high-school reunion. When I learned that her newest associate was fucking Verlac! That's when I decided that I should stop or I would lose her, but we had already established our rules of open relationship. And so I stayed quiet, mostly because she was still with me. She still did everything to eat with me at lunch, she still snuggled against me when we went to bed. And so we stayed like that, in love, with me having wronged her so many times, but vowing to do better in the future.

Until the day an old hookup came by the garage, and Clary caught her dirty talking to me, enumerating everything that we did during our night together. Clary didn't say anything, but I still saw the hurt in her eyes. The hurt that she had managed to hide so well all those times I cheated on her. She waved off my apologies, saying that it was nothing, that she understood, but that night, she came back home late. For the first time without warning me ahead. And this kept on going for a whole week, Clary would come back home really late, her face blank of emotions.

I tried to swallow my hurt, but when I saw that fucking Verlac was the one dropping her off, I lost it against her. She didn't raise her voice like I did, she didn't even waver, she just said: "There's no reason to be angry, Jace. It's not like we're exclusive, anyway."

It's not like I could actually be angry at her. She was right, we were in an _open relationship_ , and I took everything out of it. She never went to see anyone else but me, when I fucked so many girls. So I swallowed my pain, and when she started being late more and more often, I went back to my old routine, just to make her react, so she could feel what I was feeling. But I never went back to the same girl when she always went back to fucking Verlac.

Of course she never said so, and the few times I asked her, she denied everything, and so it always turned into fights between the two of us where she would leave storming out of the house, and I would drown my pain in a bar, finding a girl in my arms in the morning. But now, I can't take it anymore. It's more than the hurt, it's the feeling that she's slipping away. She sleeps on the edge of the bed now, so far away from me, she always pulls out work hours, even during her days off, she doesn't smile at me anymore. She's slipping away, and it's like I can't do anything to prevent it.

"Are you coming to bed?" She innocently asks, and I feel anger rising within me. How can she still have this fucking annoying innocent sweet tone when she talks? Especially when she just comes back from fucking Velrac! I clench my fingers around my glass and I answer:

"I'm not laying next to you when you're stinking like Verlac."

She sighs and closes her eyes. I know that she's rolling them behind her eyelids, she always does that when someone says something that gets on her nerves. As she does so, I look at what she's wearing, and once again she's wearing a dress. She used to almost never wear dresses because of her bike. She wore dresses when we went out because I once let it slip that I loved seeing her in dress. But now, not so much. Every time she's in a dress, I know that it means that Verlac picked her up and dropped her off. Which means that in addition to fucking in their office, they also fuck in his fucking car.

"I'll take a shower. I had a rather long day." She simply states.

"You should use bleach, in that case." I snarl, because I can't help myself. She just came back from fucking Verlac! How long has it been since _we_ made love? How long has it been since she kissed me? Even on the cheek? Too fucking long!

"We're not going through this again, Jace." She says, her voice tired as she rubs her forehead. Normally she would have asked me for a massage, like she always did when she felt like she worked too much, but now, she doesn't ask me for anything anymore. It's like I'm nothing to her anymore.

"I didn't say anything." I mumble, bringing the glass to my lips. I know this is all my fault, that I shouldn't be jealous and just get on with it. She's the one who stayed when she could have left. I'm the one who messed everything up when I had the perfect life. I should have kept it in my pants, but I didn't. And now, she's drifting away.

" _Good_." She says, and I can't help but glare at her. Can't she see that I'm hurt? Can't she see that this little arrangement that we have is no longer working? Can't she see that Verlac is threatening our couple?

"Stop looking at me like that, Jace." She says, her brows frowned, and that's when I snap. I don't know why now, but I snap. Maybe because it is the one too many times that I've been hurt, or maybe it's because I finished a whole bottle of scotch, or maybe it's because she looks so damn calm when she should feel something else. Guilt, shame, regret, _something_!

"You had to fuck fucking Verlac!" I explode. "Of all the guys you could have screwed, you had to choose _Verlac_! What did he give you that I can't?"

"Well, for starters, he _looks_ at me." She immediately retorts before she swiftly brings her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide as she realises what she just said. It's clear on her face that she never intended to say those words, at least not to me, not in this situation. I get up in one furious movement and I yell:

"Are you fucking serious?!"

"I am." She concedes, looking down on her feet before she adds: "This isn't working anymore, Jace. When was the last time you looked at me? We just became roommates with the inconvenience of being a couple."

"What are you saying?" I ask blankly, fearing the answer before it even escapes her lips.

"That we should … call it quits. We don't make each other happy. We're not good for each other, anymore."

She lifts her head up and looks at me with her big green eyes, and then she turns her back to me. In one angry movement, I throw my glass at the wall next to her head and she freezes on the spot.

"You want to leave me?! To go to fucking Verlac!?" I yell, my insides freezing with fear at the realization that she might say yes to my questions. She doesn't move from her spot, her back still facing me as she murmurs so softly that I have to strain my ears to hear:

"I want to _live_ , Jace."

"And how am I preventing you from doing so?" I ask, thinking that if I forbade her to live, we wouldn't be in this situation. I would have never let her go to Verlac, whether it was for work or for more. I would have locked her in my heart and kept her there selfishly, away from the world.

"I don't know." She whispers, and I clench my fist because I can hear in her voice that there's something that she wants to say. And it is fucking scary. Clary was never afraid to say what she had on her mind, and that's one of the things I love about her. She always called me out on my crap and stood up to me when I was being stupid or angry. And now, I'm losing this part of her, because of _fucking Verlac._

"Maybe you'd like to go back to sleeping with Verlac, right now?"

"Leave him out of this!" She vehemently says, finally turning to face me as she defends that fucking idiot. And I don't like it. She's not supposed to react that way. She's not supposed to say that. She's supposed to reassure me, to say that she's where she wants to be, that I'll always be the one she'd go back to because I am the love of her life.

"Why?! Did he promise to take you away from me?"

She hesitates and that only allows me to know that he did. And she considered it. She considered leaving me. She probably still considers it. She wants to leave me. She wants to walk out on me, when she's my everything, when I don't know what I'd do without her, when she's my oxygen. _She wants to leave m_ e.

"Fuck that, Clary! You said that you'd stay with me!" I scream, my heart begging her to stay with me. I can't do it. I can't live without her. I can't lose her. She glares at me as she replies:

"There's no point in doing so! You're always angry at me, I'm always angry at you. This is not a healthy relationship that we have. I want something more! I want the average life of Miss Anybody. I want to get married, I want to have children, and you're not giving me any of this!" She yells, and I pale. Not because I'm not ready to give her her dream, but because her tone is implying that someone else is more than willing to do so.

"Oh, because Verlac promised you that? He promised you your perfect life behind your white picked fence!?"

"As a matter of fact, he did!" She angrily admits, not caring for one second that she just broke my heart. But that's nothing compare to what she says after: "And you know what? I think I'll do it!"

"You're going to do _what_?! I'm not letting leave me! I'm the one who'll give you every single one of your dreams!" I hurl, my voice shaking at the possibility of losing her. My fists are clenched so hard that I don't feel the blood in my hands anymore.

"And how? By going to fuck anything with a skirt when you feel like it?" She yells, and I use this little hope she just gave me. If she cares, it means that she can still maybe stay. _She will stay._

"You said you didn't mind." I simply state, waiting for her to say that she had been lying all along and that she doesn't want this anymore, but she doesn't:

"I didn't! I don't even care anymore. Like I said, I'm leaving, Jace."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, I close the gap between us and tackle her against the wall, but she doesn't even seem fazed by my outburst. She just looks deep into my eyes while I feel my whole being crumbling. I lean my forehead against hers, one of my hand knotted of anger in her vibrant red hair.

"I'm not letting you leave me, Clary." I growl, anger and fear battling inside my heart. What am I going to do if she does leave me? Life without Clary, ain't life.

"I'm not leaving you a choice Jace. I've been more than patient with you, I waited for you to realise that I was worth it, but you didn't. Now there's someone who actually wants me and who wants to build a life with me. I'm not going to let this opportunity pass because _maybe_ , one day, you'll open your eyes."

Of dear God, I am losing her. She is leaving. She doesn't want to try for us anymore. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. She's my everything, she's my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. And now, I'm losing her just because someone else fucked her.

"Clary, _I_ love you. Verlac just wants to get in your pants." I say, brushing her cheek with my thumb as I plant my eyes in hers and try to reason her, to make her come back to me, the one who loves her.

"No, he doesn't. He never touched me, even when I threw myself at him because you went to one of your so many nights out. _He_ loves me." Fucking Verlac told her that he loved her! And she's going to believe him and leave me for him. How am I gonna to survive that?

" _No_. No one will ever love you like I do. He doesn't love you like I do, Clary. _He_ can live without you, _I_ can't. You're all my life. Don't leave me." I beg, tears burning my eyes.

I hate how her face is so calm. I know it's because she's so used of controlling her emotions and thoughts when she's in Court, but I'd like to see something else than her professional face. I want her to act freely around me again, like she used to do so long ago.

She brings her hand to my cheek and smiles sadly as she says: "I'm sorry, Jace. You think like that now, but you'll get over it and find someone who will _really_ make you happy."

" _Don't_." I plead with a broken voice, tears escaping my eyes. At this point, I don't care about anything but making her stay. She has to. "I'll change. I'll stay. But you need to stay first. You _can't_ leave me."

She softly sighs, her face finally showing something else than nothing. And I see something that I like: pain. Maybe she won't leave me. Maybe she'll stay. Her hand on my cheek slowly fall to my chest and she says:

"I already did. I love you. I really do. But not enough to keep living like that."

And with those words, she escapes my grip and leaves the living room. I can't move, completely frozen by what just happened, and slowly, I let myself fall against the wall and I take my head between my hands. I hear her call someone as she shuffles around in the room, but I still can't move. _She's leaving me._ She's leaving me and she's not coming back. What am I going to do? I can't live without her. She's the one who stabilized me, she's the one who made my life worth living, she's the one who was supposed to bear my children. And now she's leaving me. And there's nothing I can do or say to make her stay. I deceived her too many times for her to trust in me anymore.

I love her. But I lost her.

 **.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.**

 **💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚**

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 **~ So yup, this story is a little angsty. I hope you liked it. Tell me all. Especially since I really enjoyed writing this little story. Anyway, make me happy. please?**

 **Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

 **Kiss💋 Kiss💋 Bang🔫 Bang🔫**


	2. Loving & Winning Clary

**My dear little broccolis 💚💚💚**

 **So I want to say something first ‼️Thank you to everyone for supporting me and all. I just want to tell you guys, I am usually not a person who lets anyone or anything bring me down, or get to me. 99% of the time, everything one would tell, or say to me would go right through me and not affect me. Mostly because I know who I am, and that it took me too long to be proud of who I am to let anyone make me feel bad about myself like that or for what I stand for. Just like I said, it was only very upsetting to receive 12 emails of pure negativity all at once when I was already having a bad day. That review took me at my 01%, so it upset me. But honestly, that very same night, I was already over it. It wasn't even about what that person said, it was mostly because of the bad timing. So yeah. Know that I've been writing as long as I can remember. I'm not pretending to be Shakespeare, but I am aspiring to become a write. What that person said did not make me stop writing. I don't think anyone could ever make me stop writing, even if they try very hard. If I write on this website, it's because I love writing. I do not get paid or anything for this; and if I didn't love writing I wouldn't post anything on this website and I would only focus on my novels. So yeah, just a little break to myself; but still I love you all guys, and I cannot thank you enough for the support you gave me. You are all amazing broccolis.‼️**

 **~ Anyway, I will let you enjoy this final chapter, and I hope that you will love all the emotions in it. if it is not in Clary's point-of-view, it is done on purpose, because it is the way I wanted the story. But I remember that when I first uploaded this story, someone asked for a spinet with Clary's point-of-view. So if many of you feel the same, I might do that... maybe, I'll get back to you on that.**

 **With all my love, Mina💚💚💚**

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 **Chapter 1 : Loving & Winning Clary (4,1K)**

 **Tears In Heaven — Eric Clapton**

 ** **Think Of Me — The Phantom Of The Opera, Emmy Rossum****

 **.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.**

 **Sebastian's PoV.**

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I glance at Clary who's reading the file of our last case, and once again, I am caught by her beauty. She's just mesmerising. She's like an Angel who came to Earth to grace us with her divine presence. I know it sounds stupid to say that, but it's true. She's just _perfect_. I love how her red hair is always wild, even though she tries to tame it in a bun, there's always a few locks that manage to escape. And the way her green eyes are the first thing that attract the eye when you see her face. And those endless freckles spread all over her face. I wonder how the juries manage to keep their minds on the case when she's defending a client, because I wouldn't be able to.

It's been two weeks since Clary called me back in the middle of the night for me to come pick her up, and when I did, she was standing strong at the front porch of her building, arguing with Jace who was tugging on the bean bag she had on her shoulder. When she saw me, she started walking toward my car, but Jace tried to refrain her from doing so. He took her by the arm and almost yelled in anguish:

" _Please_ , Clary. I swear, I'll change. Don't leave me."

"Let me go, Jace." Clary calmly said, even though he was holding her with an iron grip.

That's something I always admired about Clary. How she is always so self controlled, no matter the situation. I never heard her raise her voice, not even once. And I think that's what makes her such a good lawyer, because no one can tell what she's thinking and that she can wear the best poker face in the world.

" _No_!" Jace begged, forcing her to face him as Clary was desperately trying to walk to the car. I stayed there because I knew that she didn't want me to intervene. In a way, I intervened more than I should have already. "You said you loved me! How can you leave me if you love me!? _You said that you loved me_!"

"Don't you dare make a scene at three in the morning in front of our building!" Clary hissed between her teeth, and it seemed to have a certain impact on Jace. He let go of her and she rushed to the car. Jace glared at me when he realized that I was there, but I didn't take the time to feel bad for him, I just drove away, taking Clary to my place.

I kind of feel bad for him. _Kinda_. I wouldn't want to live through that. Imagining her walking out on me… It must be one of the worst thing to live through. But, it's his own fault. What need did he have to go elsewhere when he had the perfect woman standing right by his side? And I'm not just saying that Clary is the perfect woman just because I love her. I'm saying because it's true.

I mean, she just left him, but she still takes care of him. She called his family so he wouldn't be alone. She called his employees so they would keep his shop running. She called the bar a few feet away from their flat so they wouldn't let him drink his sorrow away. She even call a neighbour so he would check up on him. _Who does that?_

And not a single time did she cry. I know she wants to, but she tries to hold it together. I know that she thinks that it's her fault, that because she's the one who left, she shouldn't cry, but she should. She should let go of all the pain she has in her, all the pain he inflicted on her. I tried to help her, to make her talk, so her heart wouldn't feel so heavy, but she simply smiled and waved it off, like she always does.

"I found a studio not far from work," She suddenly says, out of nowhere, startling me out of my reverie. I quickly glance at her before averting my eyes back to the road. Clary is still reading this case we're working on, but I can tell that her heart isn't in it anymore. She smiles softly and says: "I'll be vacating your couch by the end of the month."

"I don't mind you staying at my place, Clary," I remind her because it is true. "I mind you staying on the couch, though."

I can tell that she just bit her lower lip like every time she feels like she is taking advantage of someone. Despite the image of a strong person, Clary remains someone really shy who hates being in debt of someone. She's about to reply as I'm parking in front of her building, and so I sigh loudly because we already had this argument several times over the past couple of weeks. She doesn't want to take my room and let me be the gentleman. _Really_? Why does she insist on sleeping on the uncomfortable couch, when I told her I could do it instead? I'll tell you why, because she's perfection.

"Thank you again for helping me. I shouldn't ask that of you," Clary sweetly says, closing the file on her lap and I smile to her as I reassure her that it's no bother for me:

"You said it yourself, you need your clothes. I'd lend you mine, but I'm not sure I'd bear the sight of you in my shirt."

She smiles to hide her discomfort, and a blush creeps onto her face and neck. That's why I just said that. Because I knew she would blush, and her blush is so beautiful that it could make anyone go crazy. Well, it makes _me_ go crazy. Every time she blushes, all I want to do is cup her face and kiss her until she loses her breath.

She puts the file on the board and gets out of the car, and I follow her. I can tell that she's anxious about going back to her apartment, and a part of me doesn't quite understand why she's doing that. The flat is under her name, so why did she go with all that trouble to find a new one and leave him this magnificent apartment with all the papers?

As the elevator goes up, Clary plays with her keys, and I restrain myself to take her in my arms and reassure her. I know she would appreciate it, but that she would feel guilty in the same time. That's what happened the time I caught her crying in the office.

It was after a very long day, and Clary, who was always the first one out, was still in her office. I walked to her because this wasn't normal, and when I opened her door, my joke ready on my lips, I noticed with horror that she was crying. When she saw me, she swiftly wiped away her tears and smiled to me, blaming the pressure. I didn't reply right away because I knew that she was lying, her face seemed completely devastated, but I stayed there. She stared at me for the longest time before she solemnly asked: "Do you find me attractive Sebastian?"

I remember how I stayed frozen in shock at this question. How could she even doubt her effect on men? Didn't Jace worship her like the treasure she was? Already back then I was feeling something for her. It wasn't love yet, but it was _something_. Something more than lust. But instead of reassuring her, I stupidly blinked, unable to pronounce a single syllable. Something seemed to break inside of her, and Clary got up from her chair and started walking to the door as she whispered: "That's what I thought."

I don't know what took over me, but as soon as she was within reach, I grabbed her and cupped her face, forcing her to look at me. She didn't blink even once, and I could distinguish the little drops of tears clinging to her coppery lashes as a lump was forming in my throat. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but she wasn't mine to take. She was in love with someone else, and even if he was making her unhappy, she still loved him.

But suddenly, she tangled her fingers in my hair and kissed me. It was a timid kiss, and now that I come to think of it, I think she was testing herself more than anything else. But I immediately reacted to it. I gave her back her kiss with as much passion as I could muster and without realizing it, I was on top of her, on her desk as she was feverishly unbuttoning my shirt. I could feel my desire of her grow, stronger than ever, as she was grinding against me, and suddenly her phone buzzed in her pocket. She didn't check the caller ID and discarded them, but I knew it was Jace. And so I straightened up.

" _Don't_. It's okay. There's nothing to feel guilty about." She said as I was already buttoning back my shirt, and I passed a hand on my face.

"I'm not stopping this for him, I'm stopping this for _you_. You're the one who would feel guilty afterwards, even if you don't think so. It's not in your nature to sleep around, Clary. You're not like him. You're _nothing_ like him."

And at the mention of Jace, she burst in tears. It was the only time I saw her cry. The only time I saw her completely driven by her emotions and I took her in my arms to sooth her down. And this is how Clary started trusting me with her heart, little by little. I admit, I never did anything to push her back to Jace, and even tried to pull her to me. But that's because I know I can make her happier than he ever would. Because as I let myself fall in love with her, I vouched to worship every second spent with her. Because I would be too afraid to lose her to do something as stupid as he did.

Clary startles me out of my thoughts as she opens the front door of her apartment, and I can almost hear her think that it is the last time she is doing so. For five years she had been with Jace, and for three years they'd lived together. And now she is crossing this front door for the last time as hers. I stay a little in retreat, not sure of what else to do and Clary walks into the apartment. We've been associates for over a year now, and I never came to her place. I know it's because she was managing Jace's feelings.

Jace and I had never been best friends. I can even say that we've never been friends. He was the punk of our school, that bad boy that all the girls wanted, and I was that popular kid who did everything to avoid him. Not because I was afraid of him, but because he smelled trouble. And every person who hung out with him always ended up in trouble. So I stayed as far away as possible from him. I never wanted anything to do with him.

The only time I envied Jace Wayland was when I realized that Clary was his. During that stupid high school reunion that my sister dragged me to. Clary had started working with us two weeks ago, the youngest associate that the company had ever seen, and the most promising. And she immediately caught my interest. But I never did anything to woo her because she was glowing with love. And during the reunion, I saw to whom her love was directed. _Jace Wayland_. The least deserving bastard of the universe. And yet, somehow sweet and caring Clary ended up with him.

Even now, I don't know how this happened. They have nothing in common. They don't have the same interests, they don't have the same kind of friends, they're not of the same age, they don't go to the same places. The only thing that made them talk to one another is her bike. 'Jessy' as Clary calls her. Jace owns a shop and Clary owns a bike that she inherited from her father, so I guess this is how they met.

Jace's voice echoes from further in the apartment, full of relief and angst: "Oh, _thank God_! You're back."

I close the front door, and walk in the living room, disabused that he can still think he can have her back. He didn't do a single thing to even _apologize_ to her during those past couple of weeks and now he thinks that she will magically come back?

As I walk in, I see Clary in Jace's arms, trying to make him lose his grip on her, and then Jace sees me. We glare at each other before he snarls: "What is _he_ doing here?!"

He knows very well what I'm doing here, but he still lives on this delusional cloud where he thinks that he hasn't done anything wrong.

"I came to take my stuff, Jace," Clary simply explains, finally breaking free of Jace's arms as she goes on: "And I need a car to do so."

"Clary, you can't take your stuff! _This_ is your home, _our_ home! Your stuff are were they belong!"

"Jace, don't -" But he doesn't listen to her and snaps his head to me before lunching himself in my direction and tackling me against the wall as he growls:

"You stole her from me! This is all _your_ fault! You made her turn her back on me!"

I've been waiting so long for this. All he has to do is throw the first punch, and I'll make him understand what pain is. If he can't understand emotional pain, I'll make him understand physical pain. How many time did I have to make Clary smile because she was in the verge of crying because of him? How many times did I stay with her late at night because she knew he was out picking up girls? How many times did I find Clary looking for a one way ticket in direction of the end of the world? Too many times if you ask me.

"You dug your own grave," I say, knowing that this sentence will make him lose it, and it does. His eyes seem demented as he hurls:

" _No_! Everything was fine until _you_ came along! _You're_ the source of all our problems!"

He raises his fist, ready to punch me, and I'm just waiting for him to start it, when Clary tugs on his arm and intervenes: " _Jace_!" He doesn't seem to hear her, his golden eyes glaring at me with pure hatred, but Clary yanks him off of me with an unsuspected strength as she strongly says: "Let him go!"

" _Fine_ ," He snarls, turning on his heels and walking further in the apartment.

Clary hesitates for a moment before tiredly rubbing her forehead. She quickly glances at me and I know she wants to apologize so I shake my head and tell her: "Don't you dare." After all, it's not her fault if she has a golden heart and she entrusted it to the wrong person. She's just too good, and Jace knows it. He took advantage of it for five years, and now he can't stand the fact that she wants to live a better life without him.

She's about to follow him to wherever he went when he comes back, completely ignoring me, and begs her to stay with him: "Clary, I love you. Stay with me. Don't go with him. Don't leave me. _Please_ , stay."

"I have to, Jace." Clary says with that sweet voice of hers, talking to him as if he is a five years old child who has to be reasoned. "This isn't working for us anymore."

Jace shakes his head and swiftly gets on one knee, opening a box to her as he says: "Clary, marry me."

Clary's eyes are fixed on the ring, and mines on Clary as I'm holding my breath. Marriage is something she dreams of. Countless times, I've heard this word fall on her lips as sparkles illuminated her green eyes. I know how sad divorce cases make her. I know that she wants to get married, that she wants the 2.5 kids in the white picked fence house. She told me so herself. And in the back of my mind, I promised myself to make her dream come true.

But now Jace is kneeling in front of her, with a ring that looks like an heirloom, and with those five years of love that they shared. And I can't help but fear that she'll go back to him. Because he is what she's used to. What does she know of me? We've never been on a date, we never shared a real kiss out of love, we've never met each other's parents. She only knows that I love her because I finally gathered the courage to tell her two weeks ago, the night she broke up with him. But what now? When she came to my place, I treated her as a friend, not a love interest, because I didn't want to pressure her, but now… Maybe I should have, and I wouldn't be here wondering if she was going to go back with this bastard.

Suddenly, Clary slaps him with all her strength and Jace falls backward, looking at her with shock. I do too for I've never seen Clary violent, and her face is glowing with anger and hurt:

"How _dare_ you!? For _five years_ we've been together, and now that I leave, you propose! That's not how it works, marriage is not a leash to make people stay! Marriage is a proof of love! And for the past five years you just proved me that you don't love me enough. Not enough to stay with me, not enough to make amends, not enough to trust me! You don't love me enough, and now, you have no right to do what you're doing. I'll _never_ marry you, Jace. Because I know that I'll never be enough for you."

Jace paled at each of her words as he was slowly getting up, the box forgotten on the floor, but the ring in his hand. I think that he had been meaning to propose for quite a while now, but that the occasion never came. He couldn't decently ask her between fucking two girls.

"You said that you loved me!" He accuses her, and Clary softly shakes her head, regaining composure of herself.

"I did."

"You can't move on in barely two weeks! Not from us! For five years we were together!"

"I did say that I loved you, Jace. But … me loving you is destroying me."

"You're the one who set up that stupid rule. You're the one who tried to play it cool. Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you let me know how much it hurt?" He asked her, and I, for one, also want to know. Clary isn't someone who accepts to live a life she doesn't like. So why did she stay all those years with him if it made her so unhappy?

"Because you will never change. I used to not care because I was the one you were always coming back to. I was the one to make you smile. I was the one you would...cuddle with. And then … something new happened to me. Something I wasn't expecting. But it made me realize that it wasn't the life I should have. And when I came to talk to you about it, you were with that _friend_ of yours."

"It's not-" Jace tried to justify himself, but Clary strongly cut him off. And still, my ears keep in ringing about this event she talked about.

"And I saw in your eyes a longing to go back to that time. I wasn't enough for you. I _am_ not enough for you. I never was, and I'm only sorry that it took me so long to realize."

A silence falls in the room, and Jace is looking at her with sadness and suspicion. And I can totally follow his trail thoughts. What makes women realize that their life isn't how it should be? For what are women ready to sacrifice every inch of their happiness? One single thing. Jace blinks a little and then he voices my thoughts:

"Were you pregnant?"

" _What_?" Clary blankly asks as I remember that this day she's talking about is the day I almost let my urges take the better of me with her.

"That something new that happened to you. Were you pregnant with _our_ child?" Jace repeats his voice slightly stronger, but wavering with emotion. Clary never mentioned anything about being pregnant. I never saw any sign that she could have been pregnant or lost a baby.

"Do you see a baby crawling around? Because I don't," Clary answers curtly, and I know there is more to it. It's not in her habits to be this snappish, and Jace seems to think the same thing as he coldly says:

"You're not answering the question. _Were you pregnant_?"

"It is none of your concern. Not anymore."

Why doesn't she answer the question? Why does she keep avoiding the question? Jace closes his eyes for a few seconds, and Clary steps backwards before he opens back his eyes and yells at her:

"You _were_ pregnant! You killed my child without ever letting me know!?"

" _Your child_?" She repeated, obfuscated. "I never said anything about being pregnant! Don't make rash assumptions!"

"So what was that something?"

"An epiphany on my life on this Earth!"

Jace looks at her with the same way he looked at her when she slapped him, and she holds his gaze until he looks down on his shoes. Then he looks back at her, and finally I see something I was prepared to see, and yet , wasn't: pain. The pain that he feels because he just realized that he wasn't her life anymore, that he hasn't been for a long time. And he just whispers:

"I changed, Clary. You just didn't want to see it. You were too happy to runaway with pretty boy over here."

"You didn't change. You think you did, but you didn't. You took me for granted when all I ever asked of you was your love. Or-or at the very least - your _fidelity!_ It wasn't much, but you couldn't give it to me, anyway. And even now, when I gave you two weeks to prove to me that I meant at least a little something for you, you didn't even try to take me back. You _waited_ for _me_ to come back."

She increases the gap between them and then she puts on the table her key of the apartment as she says: "Jace, a simple bouquet of flowers would have been enough. But you just proved me that you would never put any effort in our relationship."

And with those words she takes my hand and leaves the apartment without taking any of her stuff. Once in the lift, I point that to her, and he shakes her head, saying that she doesn't want any reminder of this place. Then she stops the elevator and looks at me.

"I know I've been unfair to you, Seb. I kept you around when I was with someone else. _In love_ with someone else. I called you to the rescue, knowing your feelings for me, but knowing that I couldn't return them. I've been a horrible person to you. I should have set you free, but I didn't because … it felt good to have someone care for me the way you did," She confesses, tears slowly rolling on her cheek, and I gently wipe them off as I plant my eyes in hers.

I've always known that she loved Jace, and probably a part of her will always love him. But that doesn't stop me from loving her. It only tells me that I have to love her even more so she won't feel her love for Jace anymore. I can do that. I can love her strong enough to make her forget about him, and so I tell her:

"I am ready to put as much effort as it is humanly possible in our relationship. Because I want us to be a forever. Because I love you."

With that, I kiss her. Because I love of her.

I lover her. And now, she can be mine.

 **.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.**

 **💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚**

 **.**

 **~ So yes, I know this isn't a happy Clace story, but I like it the way it is. I don't know. It appeals to me more this way. I know I am going to get a lot of hate for this, but I like this story better like this. So here it is is.**

 **~ But that doesn't stop me from wanting to hear about your reactions to this story. I love reading them. I really do.**

 **Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

 **Kiss💋 Kiss💋 Bang🔫 Bang🔫**


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